The Best of Times

Dear Standard:

I sit here with keyboard in han reflecting on my life, wondering if that pitchfork is still stuck somewhere between my neck and the base of my head. My sister in law took my babygirl to the park, so I've got a couple of minutes to myself, but that's not really a comfort. I'm still lonely. I'm still concentrating on how bad my right leg hurts and how on Friday I'll go from five toes to four on my left. I'm 30 facing an amputation and I'm depressed about it. Standard, tell me what to do. Standard, tell me how to feel. I've tried the cynical approach, going through the stages of denial and finally just joking it off like nothing is wrong. It's not working. I've been in a cast since March, only to end up in the place that I've been trying to avoid - it's unnerving. I had a meeting with my pastor this weekend and that made me feel a lot more grounded. I know that this isn't the end of the world, but it sure feels like something is falling. I miss my husband. His asswipe of a commander won't let him come home for my surgery. I've cried a lot. Standard, tell me what to do. Explain to me why even though things have seemed to work out in order for me to have surgery, I still feel lost, confused and depressed. I pray more than I speak, but it still doesn't help. I'm just wondering,....

Standard, are you there?